On the Edge of Common Sense

by Baxter Black

On the Edge of Common Sense

Federal Department of Whimsy?

April 1, 2025 Headline: Wine and Cheese Banned from American Diets

The presidentially appointed Director of Taste has declared the selling and/or dispensing of all fermented beverages derived from the fruit of the vine is to be prohibited in the United States. In addition, certain varieties of cheese whose aroma has been defined as “too stinky” by the Sniff Committee, are also banned from manufacture or importation in the U.S.

These new regulations are part of a continuing effort by ‘those who know best’ operating through the Department of Whimsy. They base their regulations on the premise that you can always find someone who is offended by someone else’s behavior or taste.

It started innocently enough with the separating of cigarette smokers to the back of airplanes. The requirement of content labels on baked and canned goods followed. Then no smoking in airports, no sugar in soda pop. Then no soda pop in schools, then no soda pop in cities! Then the banning of baked goods, desserts, and Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream in schools, then cities, then the nation. Twinkies, rich pastries and CinnaBuns were banned because they were declared to be harmful to some. Fish caught in the wild were banned because of possible mercury content and farm-raised fish were banned due to possible salmon abuse.

The battle goes on. The Animal Rights Loonies have been trying for years to ban the eating of horsemeat. They also are seeking the Department of Sensitivity to prevent the use of horses for fun or profit. The ownership of house pets are next on their agenda.

The 9th District Court of Appeals intends to make California “WINE FREE in ‘33.” They also are considering banning the consumption or use of sugar, domestically raised livestock, tobacco and firearms. Their reasoning has something to do with climate change. There is a proposition on the next state ballot to ban climate change!

To no one’s surprise the use of marijuana has been excluded from “Ban Fever.” Their concern is the negative effect on Mexico’s economy. Many border state citizens are now supported by their relatives in Mexico sending them money made in the drug trade.

As these strict, new regulations continue to get more and more bizarre, there is a blatant backlash sweeping the country. In California, the Union of Farm Workers is protesting the Sacramento Abolitionists who have declared manual labor a Crime. But all this bodes well for the state of Nebraska who has fenced out animal rights extremists, anyone appointed by the Federal government, and welcomes anybody willing to work.

Where all this government intervention will take us is anyone’s guess. There appear to be people who appoint themselves kings, dictators, masters, all-knowing wise men who really believe they know what is best for you, for your own good. They are sincere. They suffer from one of two delusional syndromes. For the appointed ones it is the Purchasing Agent Syndrome, who derives power from someone else’s status. For the elected it is the Oprah Syndrome, sometimes called the Columnist Syndrome, that says because you are popular you really must know what you are talking about.

Pop the cork, Dork.